I’ve been putting off writing this for about 12 hours now.  Each time I get close to writing, something distracts me and I go and do something else.  Now I’ve finally forced myself to do this before I go to bed.

Today was not a good day.

For one thing, I only finally went to bed at 4am, which is insane.  My brain would just not stop churning about… well… anything and everything except sleeping.  It seems to be doing the same thing now, which is why I’m here at this precise moment.

So… yeah… today not being a good day.

I woke up at about 13:30, then nodded off again, finally crawling out of my pit about an hour later.  I only managed to complete two sections of my new exercise regime (just did the ab crunches and the planking) before I went to get food.

To be honest, I’m not even sure what I did the rest of the day.  I did give the tortoise his bath, and The Kitten got some attention.  I also edited some hardcore smut I’d been reading.  I really kind of wish I hadn’t bothered now.  There were far too many plot holes and loose ends, and I’m not sure I’m interested enough in the characters to be anything more than disappointed.

So that was a bit of a letdown, really.

I’ve had no more offers of job interviews and no-one has contacted me about life-modelling.  I can’t even get any of my photos accepted on MCM because they’re too low resolution.

Fucking hell.  I do feel pretty damned useless.  20 years in teaching and I lose a job over having a panic attack.  That’s what it comes down to.  I don’t have the mental strength to fight back, basically because even if I won, I’ve been burned once too often.  I don’t really want to be in education anymore, certainly not working in any kind of educational institution.

OK.  Let’s get some positives.  Things to look forward to.  I bought Into The Spiderverse with my Google Rewards.  Seeing that again is going to be good.  I loved that film.  The new Star Wars trailer was somewhat exciting.  Rey backflipping over a TIE Interceptor with her lightsabre out… Lando at the controls of the Falcon and Palpatine’s laugh at the end.  Then there’s the title: Rise Of Skywalker.  I’ve also still got this week’s Prog to read, and I’ve also got Ravenous 3 to finish listening to.  The interview on Thursday this week for the bus driving and the life-drawing audition in Barnsley the week after.  There’s also RPG night on Wednesday.

I’m going to bed now.  Shower tomorrow morning.

That’s another thing – personal hygiene is suffering.

I need to pull out of this dive.

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