Wanna Grabacuppa?

Anyone who’s read this blog has some vague idea about my history with mental illness.

Obviously, I’m not the only one who has that.  Cat Wright, a fellow member of the #PRFam (a community of Hard Rock and Metal fans that has built up around Primordial Radio – come and join us using this Referral Code: PR_jr5Zp19P or CLICK HERE – you get three months of free membership and they don’t ask for your credit card/bank details unless you decide to become a paying member… and there’s no adverts.  None.  Not even those annoying PPI adverts, or whatever’s replaced them as the latest legal scam – Admin) also has some trouble with the “head squirrels” as some of us call the unwelcome thoughts that intrude on our psyches and make life even more difficult.  Cat, though, has become a mental health blogger and podcaster.  In the spirit of looking after our own, I think it’s only right that you get a chance to have a listen to what she’s got to say.

You’ll also get a chance to hear what her guests, who are all also members of the Rock and Metal community have to say, too.

Here’s an embedded player – there’s one on the front page of The Wyrd Ways Rock Show website as well, so you’ve really got no excuse!

It’s been a while since I’ve actually blogged, so I should probably say something about what’s going on here.

After realising things weren’t getting any better in my head, I spoke to the doctor about changing medication (while still waiting for IAPTS to get in touch to organise the CBT I’ve been chasing for years). Turns out the dose of sertraline I was using had pretty much deadened my emotions to the point where I had literally two: apathy and rage, and I could go from one to the other pretty much at the flick of a switch. I just didn’t enjoy things anymore and I had no real impetus to do anything very much. Thinking back, that’s probably how I was able to do the bit of life-modelling I did. It wiped away all of my hang-ups… so I suppose there were SOME positives alongside the general apathy.

The drug the medics moved me to was mirtazipine… and that was intense. All the emotions I had been medically blocking came storming back, accompanied by mood swings like you wouldn’t believe. As a family we were doing a watch-through of all the Marvel Cinematic Universe films in sequence, and that was a bit of a roller-coaster. I was in floods during the final battle in Endgame and Tony’s funeral… talk about “ugly cry”…

So… yeah… after a few weeks on that, it was obviously not doing any good, so after another chat with the medics, I started on Fluoxetine (that’s Prozac to the brand conscious out there). 20mg wasn’t doing very much, so it was recommended I increase the dose to 40mg. Within a few days, the local IAPT got in touch and I’m now about 4 weeks into a course of CBT. Going by the questionnaire I have to do before each session, it might well be doing some good. OK, it’s hard to tell from the inside, but there do seem to be some slight mental changes going on. For one thing, despite the fact I’m struggling to get myself out of bed on a morning due to lack of motivation, I am working on The Wyrd Ways Rock Show again, having resurrected it. As part of the therapy I’m also trying to kickstart my creativity, which is part of the reason I’m writing this right now. Over the last few days I’ve also seriously thought about giving yoga another go. The problem is finding someone who does free or very cheap classes for total beginners… looks like I might have to start on the internet…

Could do with a job, too, but that’s another blog entry that I’m not really up for writing at the moment…

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