I’m now on Mirtazipine at a 15mg dose.
My mood seems to have stabilized. Except for the panic attack I had in the pole studio car park on Tuesday (30th June) that stopped me making it to the class I had booked.
Except it got to 18:50… and I normally go in just after half past.
And I realized I couldn’t do it. I literally couldn’t get out of the car. The usual anticipation of seeing everyone and getting into the studio and being a part of the Siblinghood Of The Metal Stick just wasn’t there.
What was there was a realization that I couldn’t do it tonight.
And it was just that – a realization. No histrionics. No wave of fear or anxiety… just a realization that I couldn’t open the car door, get my yoga mat out of the boot and head in.
I just wasn’t able to physically do it, and no matter how long I stayed there, it wasn’t going to happen. So long as I didn’t try to push myself to do it, I’d be fine. Everything would be OK if I didn’t get out of the car.
It was, in the words of Mr Spock, “Fascinating”. I’d’ve raised a single eyebrow, if I could. But I can’t. So I didn’t.
I won’t be there on Thursday, either. But that’s more of a logistical thing. The places for Charlie’s session were all booked up and no waiting list places opened up, and considering it’s 45 minutes there and another 45 minutes back, there’s not really much point going to Katie’s stretch session for an hour.
So my next attempt at going to the pole studio will be tomorrow, Friday the 3rd for the “Feel Good” Stretch and Movement lab. Which is good. That’s the one I managed last week, and is the one I look forward to most, if I’m honest.
In other news, I’m currently building a new edition of The Wyrd Ways Rock Show at the moment. At the moment, it seems like I’ve got the necessary mental capacity to do one of those a month, which isn’t as many as I hoped (I was aiming for twice a month, but I suppose I can still use that as a target), but it’s better than nothing.
I interviewed veteran Porn Star (yes, and in her case, we can DEFINITELY use the word “Star”, since she’s in the Hall Of Fame), Sinn Sage last night, and we ended up rattling on for nearly an hour, mostly about her favourite bands. That’s so obviously something she loves talking about and rarely gets to talk about, so we had a really good natter. You’ll get to see/hear that within the next couple of months, depending on whether you watch the video or wait to listen to the show (that’s the RSS link).
Incidentally, if you are interested in listening to the podcast, you can find The Wyrd Ways Rock Show on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, YouTube Podcasts and even Spotify, as well as your favourite podcast app.
Please remember to like, rate it if the opportunity arises and, most importantly, subscribe. The more listeners I get, the more likely I am to produce more shows. More listeners also gives me more chance to get into more festivals and so on, so I can get more interviews and find out about more new, up-and-coming bands.
I have noticed that the number of quality releases that are sparking my interest (which is the pre-requisite for getting a play on the music portion of the show) is decreasing. But then again, it’s the summer, so most bands are out doing festivals, so haven’t got any new music coming out. More of that tends to happen during the winter, when they’re out on their own tours.
But of the more interesting stuff, I am noticing a swing back towards classic-style Hard Rock. The number of new releases and new bands in the Metal- and Death-core mould seems to be decreasing slightly.
Personally, I think that’s a good thing. Over the last couple of years, we’ve had a glut of Metalcore, Deathcore and “Ambient” Black Metal… and to be honest, it’s been getting boring. As usual, there are a handful of bands that create something new and original, that’ genuinely interesting and exciting, and within months, we’re swamped by a tidal wave of copy-and-paste music that’s trying to sound just like those leaders, but without the spark that marked them out.
That’s especially visible in Metalcore/Modern Metal (as I like to call it – it’s largely the original Metalcore bands who leaned more into the Metal than the -core) right now. There are bands who are pushing the outside of the envelope, adding something new or twisting the formula. We’re talking about bands like Bloodywood, We Are The Catalyst, Amaranthe, Killswitch Engage and so on. They bring in other influences from right across the musical spectrum and merge them into their music… and then there’s the “whiny clean singing intro… growly bit… whiny clean singing… growly bit again… breakdown that includes shouting out the name of the band…” and by this time, I’m so bored, I don’t bother with the rest. Yes, Lorna Shore, I’m looking at you and your ilk.
I blame Architects. They did that sort of structure first, managed to capture the zeitgeist, got pretty big, and then the much-less-talented thought that was all you needed to do… and copied it, pretty much note-for-note.
But yes, things are changing again. There are more varied bands coming out.
Unfortunately, largely due to the dominance of Metalcore and the “that’s not Metal” crowd, the vocalists that are around aren’t particularly great. There’s not really anyone out there at the moment to touch the likes of Ronnie James Dio, Jorn Lande, Ronnie Romero, Rob Halford, Bruce Dickinson etc.
A lot of the songs are pretty weak, too. Too many start out well, but then wimp out before they get to the chorus… and it’s happening way too often.
Then there’s the new Thrash stuff… it ain’t Thrash. It’s not sharp enough, and the vocals are wrong. It’s poor-man’s Death Metal, and Thrash was NEVER that. These bands need to go back and have a closer listen to Megadeth around Rust In Peace/Countdown To Extinction, or Exodus around Fabulous Disaster or Tempo Of The Damned to get a better idea of what they SHOULD be doing.
Fortunately, Acid Reign have come back with a very decent album, and Rob Dukes is back in Exodus… although the new album isn’t as good as the one the band made when Steve Souza made his brief return. Come on, lads. You’re better than that.
There’s always Testament. They’ve been consistently good, at the very least, for the last couple of decades.
OK… time to get back to it.
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